Bao-hoa Hong : Pictures of Puppy Dogs & Sunflowers

New House Impressions

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 09:30:00 -0700

So its been a couple of days since I’ve moved into my new house and I have to say, I’ve been settling in nicely. I’ve lived in the same house for over 20 years, so I thought transitioning to a new house for the first time ever would seem weird. I originally had the fear of moving out, and being uncomfortable that “I wasn’t home.” This does feel like home. I love it here so far.

Having said that, let’s look at some of the little quirky things I’ve noticed about the new house.

First, there’s the light switch orientation. There are over 50 light switches that I have to figure out what turns on what. When I’m in a hurry, I’ve pretty much resorted to doing stuff in the dark when I can’t find the exact light that I want. I swear, some of the switches don’t even do anything which leads me to my next point :

Are there any secret doorways/rooms? I’ve always wanted a secret room in my house that I had to press certain keys on the piano to get to like in Batman. Maybe the light switches that don’t do anything actually activate the door. So far, pressing the bricks on the fireplaces doesn’t open anything and finding hollow walls is really challenging. If there’s a secret room, I’ll find it.

Thirdly, the doorbell is “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow.” Who’s a jolly good fellow? The person ringing the doorbell? That sounds a bit presumptuous. What if it’s that jackass who does surveys I don’t care about? Or am I the good fellow? Is this something that needs to be told to you by the doorbell before you enter my house? I think we’re changing it to Crocodile Rock, so there’s less confusion.

The house is too big. I’m not trying to brag or anything. I actually think it’s ridiculous to live in a house where the master bedroom is bigger than your entire house before. There are rooms that I’ll most likely not go into, ever. Mostly the basement because it’s haunted.

The basement is creepy as hell. It looks like a dungeon. If there was a skeleton shackled by his wrists down there, I would not be surprised. There’s this old player piano down there that I guarantee will play a creepy 3 tone melody by itself when I am down there by myself. The bathroom down there is so dim, you have to light a torch just to see so you don’t pee on your feet.

I had to get rid of my old desk which was made for a child. Conversely, I got a new desk that was built BY a child. Me. It’s the worst, rickety piece of shit ever. The edges are really sharp and can cut your forearms, so doing homework is almost on par with being a lame emo teenager. The craftsmanship is really poor, I think I’ll have to put some real screws in, instead of these wooden ones that are on it now.

I leave you with this :

[via.] HOLY SHIT

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 18:05:31 -0700

[via.]

HOLY SHIT

Video

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 16:51:42 -0700

Remembrance Day

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 09:00:00 -0700

I was driving a couple of friends home from a concert a couple of weeks ago. It was about midnight, and we were stopped at a red light at a desolate intersection. There were no over cars except mine.

My friend Murray asks “Why don’t you just go? I go through this red light all the time. There’s no cameras and rarely any cops here. You won’t get caught.”

I told him, “I’m not afraid to get caught. It’s the law. It’s gonna change any second now and I’m in no rush. “

It was true. I don’t follow the law out of fear of getting caught. If I did, then I’d have no problem killing someone if I knew I wouldn’t get caught. We semi-argued about this for a couple of minutes, but I never did go through that red light.

At the time, I couldn’t exactly articulate why I believed this to be right. Maybe it was because I was so physically exhausted and sweaty from the concert, that sweat was mixing with my brain juices to make me stupid. This does happen by the way, I am a scientist.

Thinking about Remembrance day made me realize some things about this somewhat innate urge to follow the law, and then a few things clicked. I think that our lives are so plush and easy compared to those of third world countries that sometimes we forget how privileged we are to a point where we do things just for the sake of doing things. I think we follow the law, not out of fear, but out of respect. Respect for the system that keeps social order, that allows us to live freely, the system that our soldiers fight and die for.

Remembrance day shouldn’t just be about wearing a poppy on your chest for a week. It shouldn’t just be about having a moment of silence at 11 am. Remembrance day shouldn’t even be a singular day out of the year. Whether it be subconsciously or not, it should be a constant reminder that our purpose in life is nonexistent without the freedom that we strive to preserve.

So excited for Louis CK this weekend.

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 14:46:00 -0700

So excited for Louis CK this weekend. :

This Saturday, I get to see one of my comedic heroes perform stand-up, Louis CK! Here’s one of my favorite jokes of his.

5 Reasons FlashForward Is A Flash In The Pan

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 15:27:41 -0700

5 Reasons FlashForward Is A Flash In The Pan

thedailywhat: Christopher Walken performs Lady Gaga’s “Poker...

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 09:19:00 -0700

thedailywhat:

Christopher Walken performs Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face”. OH OH! EE AH.

Oh.

[via.]

Halloween sidenote

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 23:53:00 -0600

The episode of The Office today made me realize something. It sucks that the new standard for vampire costumes for kids will look like something like this guy:

Steven Seagal Runs Like a Girl

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 20:59:47 -0600

…Still a badass

You Can Call Me Sherlock Holmes

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 14:00:00 -0600

A suspiciously young looking guy tries to order a beer at a Vietnamese restaurant. I, a ravishingly handsome man, am working that fateful afternoon.

Me: Hi, can I start you off with anything to drink?

Guy: Yeah, can I get a beer?

Classic rookie mistake. Just order the beer instead of asking for a beer first. I let it slide for now.

Me : …Uh yeah, what can I get you?

Guy: Can I get a Canadian?

Me : Sure, Can I see your ID?

The suspiciously young looking guy presents a flimsy looking Saskatchewan driver’s license. I, a well seasoned veteran about fake Saskatchewan I.Ds, already know what a real I.D looks like, and this does not look real. Already skeptical about his young demeanor, and that the young man ordered a Canadian over a Pilsner, the choice brew of any wheat harvesting Saskatchewaner, I examine the I.D carefully.

Me : Oh cool, you’re from Regina?

Guy: Yeah.

I sense an uneasiness in his voice.

Me : What high school did you go to?

Guy : (hesitates) I didn’t go to high school there.

Me: But this I.D says that you’re 19 and that it was issued 2 years ago. Why did you get a Saskatchewan I.D while in high school, but not go to school there?

Guy: …

Me : Sorry, I can’t serve you alcohol today, can I get you anything else?

Guy: Water.

Me: Ok, I’ll be right back.

I walk away with a delighted grin on my face.

Me (in my head) : AWWWW YEAAAHHH. Shit son, you just got served! Or not served, if ya know what I’m saying. Don’t be coming up in here with that weak shit. Not in my house. Get your story straight before you mess with me again. Grow a beard or something, kid. You look like a baby.

I start doing a jig in my head to disco music.

Balloon Boy's Parents Inspire Me to Give My Kids Awesome Names

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 23:00:00 -0600

I don’t really want to get into how messed up these parents are for attempting to prove to the world that they are the worst parents ever by losing their kid in a home made weather balloon. In reality, they showed that they are probably even worse parents by lying to the entire world about it to get famous.

Mission accomplished?

Let’s not gloss over the fact that their kid’s name is Falcon. Falcon! One of the illest, most majestic creatures on the earth. It sounds like his parents got drunk and let his brother name him, because his name is something normal like Brad. Man with a name like Falcon, this kid is destined to be the next Bear Grylls or an American gladiator or something. It’s too bad that he’s gonna be called balloon boy by everyone for the rest of his life.

I think it’s time regular people embraced the celebrity/crazy people manner of naming their children. I think we are progressively getting less creative with names. It’s gotten down to spelling a name more “creatively.” If your name is Crystal, but it’s spelled like Cryzstelle then that’s not creative, that’s just dumb. I see no difference if your name is Michael, but there’s a silent PH in there somewhere. We shouldn’t be inventing ways to fuck with the English language. These are your kids names, why are you trying to show your ineptitude at spelling while at the same time, burdening your kid with a lifetime of explaining why his name is spelled so retardedly? You created these things. Like a work of art, this person was molded, so to speak, to your own image. Why wouldn’t you want to maximize the potential on this opportunity to name your kid something great?

I can’t say for sure that there is a wrong or right way to name your kids awesomely, but an example of a bad idea? Here’s one that I just can’t get over :

George Foreman. He has 10 kids. 5 sons and 5 daughters. All of his sons are named George Foreman and he has one daughter named Georgeeta. Not even kidding. He might have taken a few too many blows to the head. I think that a guy that gives the same amount of thought into naming his kids as into naming his line of cooking grills is probably a few eggs short of a dozen.

itsalwayssunny: acrossoceans: Charlie: Milk steak. Dennis: I’m...

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 21:34:00 -0600

itsalwayssunny:

acrossoceans:

Charlie: Milk steak.
Dennis: I’m not putting milk steak!
Mac: Just put steak.
Charlie: Don’t put steak, put milk steak, she’ll know what it is.
Dennis: No, she won’t know what it is, Charlie. Nobody knows what that is. Okay, alright, what’s your favorite hobby?
Charlie: Uh, magnets.
Dennis: Magnets- okay, making magnets, collecting magnets-
Mac: Playing with magnets-
Charlie: Just magnets.
Dennis: Okay, we’ll put snowboarding.
Charlie: I don’t really snowboard.
Dennis: Alright, what are some of your likes?
Charlie: Uh, ghouls.
Mac: Son of a bitch. What are you talking about now?
Charlie: You know, funny little green ghouls.
Dennis: Wh-what? Like in movies, in cartoons?
Charlie: Little green ghouls, buddy!
Mac: Don’t write ghouls.
Dennis: I’m not! I’m putting travel, Jesus Christ. What are your dislikes?
Charlie: People’s knees.

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia 5.05, “The Waitress Is Getting Married”

God I love this show. This video will probably be removed but skip to 2:21 if you want to watch this scene.

thedailywhat: Mugshot of the Day: LOLst. [via.]

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 14:54:58 -0600

thedailywhat:

Mugshot of the Day: LOLst.

[via.]

The Axe Chocalate Commercial scares me

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 20:08:00 -0600

This commercial has been on for some time now, and still every time I see it, it freaks the shit out of me. I hate it. I hate the guy’s creepy smile. Like when he violently breaks his nose off and put’s it in the chicks’ ice cream and he’s still smiling about it? Or when when his arm gets ripped off by that crazy bitch in the passenger seat of the moving car and he continues waving his would-be bloody stump. The song too, wtf. I hear that song in my nightmares. Who even wants to smell like chocolate anyways, let alone chocolate Axe? People who smell like chocolate are most likely fatties or Oompaloompas, neither of which are people that I want to be.

Spider Bite Gives You a Mean Boner Before Killing You

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 00:06:46 -0600

Spider Bite Gives You a Mean Boner Before Killing You

Toy Story 3 full length trailer!

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 09:03:01 -0600

Toy Story 3 full length trailer!

thedailywhat: Photo of the Day: A farmer protesting declining...

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 20:47:04 -0600

thedailywhat:

Photo of the Day: A farmer protesting declining milk prices sprays riot police with milk outside the European Union headquarters in Brussels.

[via.]

Blackhawks are at the top of everything! Two games in, Patrick...

Sat, 03 Oct 2009 13:45:00 -0600

Blackhawks are at the top of everything! Two games in, Patrick Kane shows that he doesn’t take shit from anybody. Not taxi drivers, or the Panthers.

Props to Jon for pointing this out.

Yay! Kill Bill Vol. 3

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 23:10:30 -0600

Yay! Kill Bill Vol. 3

thedailywhat: Single Serving Site of the Day: Was Today A Good...

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 20:19:32 -0600

thedailywhat:

Single Serving Site of the Day: Was Today A Good Day?

[via.]