A suspiciously young looking guy tries to order a beer at a Vietnamese restaurant. I, a ravishingly handsome man, am working that fateful afternoon.

Me: Hi, can I start you off with anything to drink?

Guy: Yeah, can I get a beer?

Classic rookie mistake.  Just order the beer instead of asking for a beer first. I let it slide for now.

Me : …Uh yeah, what can I get you?

Guy: Can I get a Canadian?

Me : Sure, Can I see your ID?

The suspiciously young looking guy presents a flimsy looking Saskatchewan driver’s license. I, a well seasoned veteran about fake Saskatchewan I.Ds, already know what a real I.D looks like, and this does not look real. Already skeptical about his young demeanor, and that the young man ordered a Canadian over a Pilsner, the choice brew of any wheat harvesting Saskatchewaner, I examine the I.D carefully.

Me : Oh cool, you’re from Regina?

Guy: Yeah.

I sense an uneasiness in his voice.

Me : What high school did you go to?

Guy : (hesitates) I didn’t go to high school there.

Me: But this I.D says that you’re 19 and that it was issued 2 years ago. Why did you get a Saskatchewan I.D while in high school, but not go to school there?

Guy: …

Me : Sorry, I can’t serve you alcohol today, can I get you anything else?

Guy: Water.

Me: Ok, I’ll be right back.

I walk away with a delighted grin on my face.

Me (in my head) : AWWWW YEAAAHHH. Shit son, you just got served! Or not served, if ya know what I’m saying.  Don’t be coming up in here with that weak shit. Not in my house. Get your story straight before you mess with me again. Grow a beard or something, kid. You look like a baby.

I start doing a jig in my head to disco music.

I don’t really want to get into how messed up these parents are for attempting to prove to the world that they are the worst parents ever by losing their kid in a home made weather balloon. In reality, they showed that they are probably even worse parents by lying to the entire world about it to get famous.

Mission accomplished?

Let’s not gloss over the fact that their kid’s name is Falcon. Falcon! One of the illest, most majestic creatures on the earth. It sounds like his parents got drunk and let his brother name him, because his name is something normal like Brad. Man with a name like Falcon, this kid is destined to be the next Bear Grylls or an American gladiator or something. It’s too bad that he’s gonna be called balloon boy by everyone for the rest of his life.

I think it’s time regular people embraced the celebrity/crazy people manner of naming their children. I think we are progressively getting less creative with names. It’s gotten down to spelling a name more “creatively.” If your name is Crystal, but it’s spelled like Cryzstelle then that’s not creative, that’s just dumb. I see no difference if your name is Michael, but there’s a silent PH in there somewhere. We shouldn’t be inventing ways to fuck with the English language. These are your kids names, why are you trying to show your ineptitude at spelling while at the same time, burdening your kid with a lifetime of explaining why his name is spelled so retardedly? You created these things. Like a work of art, this person was molded, so to speak, to your own image. Why wouldn’t you want to maximize the potential on this opportunity to name your kid something great?

I can’t say for sure that there is a wrong or right way to name your kids awesomely, but an example of a bad idea? Here’s one that I just can’t get over :

George Foreman. He has 10 kids. 5 sons and 5 daughters. All of his sons are named George Foreman and he has one daughter named Georgeeta. Not even kidding. He might have taken a few too many blows to the head. I think that a guy that gives the same amount of thought into naming his kids as into naming his line of cooking grills is probably a few eggs short of a dozen.

itsalwayssunny:

acrossoceans:

Charlie: Milk steak.
Dennis: I’m not putting milk steak!
Mac: Just put steak.
Charlie: Don’t put steak, put milk steak, she’ll know what it is.
Dennis: No, she won’t know what it is, Charlie. Nobody knows what that is. Okay, alright, what’s your favorite hobby?
Charlie: Uh, magnets.
Dennis: Magnets- okay, making magnets, collecting magnets-
Mac: Playing with magnets-
Charlie: Just magnets.
Dennis: Okay, we’ll put snowboarding.
Charlie: I don’t really snowboard.
Dennis: Alright, what are some of your likes?
Charlie: Uh, ghouls.
Mac: Son of a bitch. What are you talking about now?
Charlie: You know, funny little green ghouls.
Dennis: Wh-what? Like in movies, in cartoons?
Charlie: Little green ghouls, buddy!
Mac: Don’t write ghouls.
Dennis: I’m not! I’m putting travel, Jesus Christ. What are your dislikes?
Charlie: People’s knees.

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia 5.05, “The Waitress Is Getting Married”

God I love this show. This video will probably be removed but skip to 2:21 if you want to watch this scene.

thedailywhat:

Mugshot of the Day: LOLst.

[via.]

This commercial has been on for some time now, and still every time I see it, it freaks the shit out of me. I hate it. I hate the guy’s creepy smile. Like when he violently breaks his nose off and put’s it in the chicks’ ice cream and he’s still smiling about it? Or when when his arm gets ripped off by that crazy bitch in the passenger seat of the moving car and he continues waving his would-be bloody stump. The song too, wtf. I hear that song in my nightmares. Who even wants to smell like chocolate anyways, let alone chocolate Axe? People who smell like chocolate are most likely fatties or Oompaloompas, neither of which are people that I want to be.