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2 things. 1)What is this stuff made of? Do Dutch women secrete sweetened condensed milk? 2) that baby is HUGE! It looks like it’s saying “Yo Ma! Who’s nipple do I gotta suck to get some milk around here?”
So its been a couple of days since I’ve moved into my new house and I have to say, I’ve been settling in nicely. I’ve lived in the same house for over 20 years, so I thought transitioning to a new house for the first time ever would seem weird. I originally had the fear of moving out, and being uncomfortable that “I wasn’t home.” This does feel like home. I love it here so far.
Having said that, let’s look at some of the little quirky things I’ve noticed about the new house.
First, there’s the light switch orientation. There are over 50 light switches that I have to figure out what turns on what. When I’m in a hurry, I’ve pretty much resorted to doing stuff in the dark when I can’t find the exact light that I want. I swear, some of the switches don’t even do anything which leads me to my next point :
Are there any secret doorways/rooms? I’ve always wanted a secret room in my house that I had to press certain keys on the piano to get to like in Batman. Maybe the light switches that don’t do anything actually activate the door. So far, pressing the bricks on the fireplaces doesn’t open anything and finding hollow walls is really challenging. If there’s a secret room, I’ll find it.
Thirdly, the doorbell is “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow.” Who’s a jolly good fellow? The person ringing the doorbell? That sounds a bit presumptuous. What if it’s that jackass who does surveys I don’t care about? Or am I the good fellow? Is this something that needs to be told to you by the doorbell before you enter my house? I think we’re changing it to Crocodile Rock, so there’s less confusion.
The house is too big. I’m not trying to brag or anything. I actually think it’s ridiculous to live in a house where the master bedroom is bigger than your entire house before. There are rooms that I’ll most likely not go into, ever. Mostly the basement because it’s haunted.
The basement is creepy as hell. It looks like a dungeon. If there was a skeleton shackled by his wrists down there, I would not be surprised. There’s this old player piano down there that I guarantee will play a creepy 3 tone melody by itself when I am down there by myself. The bathroom down there is so dim, you have to light a torch just to see so you don’t pee on your feet.
I had to get rid of my old desk which was made for a child. Conversely, I got a new desk that was built BY a child. Me. It’s the worst, rickety piece of shit ever. The edges are really sharp and can cut your forearms, so doing homework is almost on par with being a lame emo teenager. The craftsmanship is really poor, I think I’ll have to put some real screws in, instead of these wooden ones that are on it now.
I leave you with this :
![[via.]
HOLY SHIT](http://17.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kt9x8m87nL1qzpwi0o1_500.png)
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HOLY SHIT