So its been a couple of days since I’ve moved into my new house and I have to say, I’ve been settling in nicely. I’ve lived in the same house for over 20 years, so I thought transitioning to a new house for the first time ever would seem weird. I originally had the fear of moving out, and being uncomfortable that “I wasn’t home.” This does feel like home. I love it here so far.

Having said that, let’s look at some of the little quirky things I’ve noticed about the new house.

First, there’s the light switch orientation. There are over 50 light switches that I have to figure out what turns on what. When I’m in a hurry, I’ve pretty much resorted to doing stuff in the dark when I can’t find the exact light that I want. I swear, some of the switches don’t even do anything which leads me to my next point :

Are there any secret doorways/rooms? I’ve always wanted a secret room in my house that I had to press certain keys on the piano to get to like in Batman. Maybe the light switches that don’t do anything actually activate the door. So far, pressing the bricks on the fireplaces doesn’t open anything and finding hollow walls is really challenging.  If there’s a secret room, I’ll find it.

Thirdly, the doorbell is “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow.” Who’s a jolly good fellow? The person ringing the doorbell? That sounds a bit presumptuous. What if it’s that jackass who does surveys I don’t care about? Or am I the good fellow? Is this something that needs to be told to you by the doorbell before you enter my house? I think we’re changing it to Crocodile Rock, so there’s less confusion.

The house is too big. I’m not trying to brag or anything. I actually think it’s ridiculous to live in a house where the master bedroom is bigger than your entire house before. There are rooms that I’ll most likely not go into, ever. Mostly the basement because it’s haunted.

The basement is creepy as hell. It looks like a dungeon. If there was a skeleton shackled by his wrists down there, I would not be surprised. There’s this old player piano down there that I guarantee will play a creepy 3 tone melody by itself when I am down there by myself. The bathroom down there is so dim, you have to light a torch just to see so you don’t pee on your feet.

I had to get rid of my old desk which was made for a child. Conversely, I got a new desk that was built BY a child. Me. It’s the worst, rickety piece of shit ever. The edges are really sharp and can cut your forearms,  so doing homework is almost on par with being a lame emo teenager. The craftsmanship is really poor, I think I’ll have to put some real screws in, instead of these wooden ones that are on it now.

I leave you with this :

[via.]

HOLY SHIT

I was driving a couple of friends home from a concert a couple of weeks ago. It was about midnight, and we were stopped at a red light at a desolate intersection. There were no over cars except mine.

My friend Murray asks “Why don’t you just go? I go through this red light all the time. There’s no cameras and rarely any cops here. You won’t get caught.”

I told him, “I’m not afraid to get caught. It’s the law. It’s gonna change any second now and I’m in no rush. “

It was true. I don’t follow the law out of fear of getting caught. If I did, then I’d have no problem killing someone if I knew I wouldn’t get caught. We semi-argued about this for a couple of minutes, but I never did go through that red light.

At the time, I couldn’t exactly articulate why I believed this to be right. Maybe it was because I was so physically exhausted and sweaty from the concert, that sweat was mixing with my brain juices to make me stupid. This does happen by the way, I am a scientist.

Thinking about Remembrance day made me realize some things about this somewhat innate urge to follow the law, and then a few things clicked. I think that our lives are so plush and easy compared to those of third world countries that sometimes we forget how privileged we are to a point where we do things just for the sake of doing things. I think we follow the law, not out of fear, but out of respect. Respect for the system that keeps social order, that allows us to live freely, the system that our soldiers fight and die for.

Remembrance day shouldn’t just be about wearing a poppy on your chest for a week. It shouldn’t just be about having a moment of silence at 11 am. Remembrance day shouldn’t even be a singular day out of the year. Whether it be subconsciously or not, it should be a constant reminder that our purpose in life is nonexistent without the freedom that we strive to preserve.

This Saturday, I get to see one of my comedic heroes perform stand-up, Louis CK! Here’s one of my favorite jokes of his.